Six.

Ok, I really didn’t want to make TWO posts in ONE night… I was going to save this for maybe a few months from now (or even a year again) since I’m sure I’ll forget I have a blog in the morning but this was too… I dunno, too, something, to not put it up. So, just like my last post, this has been dug up from ancient archives.

 

Re-reading old stuff is so weird now. I’m the same person, but I really can’t imagine the me sitting here now writing these things. I don’t even know how I feel about it exactly. I don’t think it has any particular value today but it’s definitely something I wrote once upon a time and it’s almost awkward reading it now but maybe that’s just because it’s 1:34 in the morning. Also, I know this isn’t “good” by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m sure I was proud of it when I wrote it…

 

Ok, I’ll stop rambling and just post this weird piece of writing from when I naïvely thought I was talented *insert tongue-sticking-out face*

 

*Scene opens late at night.  Hannah is really upset and crying, anxious to get home. Her friends, a group of girls who drove her home, are all worried about her and want to comfort her

Just arriving in front of Hannah’s house, Olivia speaks before Hannah has a chance to jump out. “Hey, don’t cry. We’ll just make him wish he hadn’t said no. Maybe we’ll kick his ass or something for hurting you.”

“No don’t. I don’t want anyone forced to do anything, that’s the whole point… I want someone to WANT to be with me, not someone forced to be with me. Just go home.” Trying to speak through tears, that was all Hannah could manage before running for refuge into her house. She ran for what felt like days but finally reached her front door, the passageway to her sanctuary. She entered the one place where she knew she could cry for as long as she needed.

Hannah ran in, the door was unlocked, and ran to her bedroom in the basement. She hadn’t meant to, but she left the door slightly ajar…

John, Hannah’s neighbor and good friend, had heard Hannah crying. He wanted to check on her, to make sure she would be okay. Quietly he walked into the house, having been there many times before and feeling comfortable. He knew where she would go so he turned and went down the stairs. He found her on her bed crying, no, sobbing, into her pillows. All he could do was put his arm around her.

Then he spoke. “Hey Hannah.” he said, “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t. I can’t ‘not cry’.”

“Well you know you can tell me anything. It couldn’t have been all that bad.”

“It was that bad!”

“Hey. C’mon now, you know you can talk to me, tell me anything. I’m here for you.”

“I know…” Hannah spoke hesitantly, leaving John hanging.

“…but?” he offered

“No, there’s no but. I just…” Hannah couldn’t seem to finish a completely sentence. At least she wasn’t crying anymore. John had always thoughts sniffles were better than sobs.

“You what?” John really wanted to help Hannah. He had always felt something for her… he was kind of brotherly? No, not quite…

“No it’s nothing, forget it.”

“Tell me.” John was prodding her now, knowing she would eventually tell him or kick him out. Since she was still under his protective arm, huddled into him, he was sure the latter wouldn’t come. “You know you can talk to me.”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve always been a great friend. I love you for listening to so much crap…” There was an awkwardly long pause before Hannah tried to start another sentence. “Umm John?…”

“Yeah? What?”

“Never mind. Thanks for being here though. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem Hannah. You know I’ll always be right here. I’ll always be here for you.” At this, Hannah looked up at him; almost strangely or perhaps hopefully… But hopeful for what?

“Hey, umm… Have you ever… maybe… umm… wanted to… umm… be more than just friends?” Hannah paused but when John didn’t answer her right away she had to continue to cover up her mistake. “Please don’t say no” Hannah said this almost inaudibly. Realizing how much further she had dug this hole she continued before John could even think to answer her. “No, wait. Don’t answer that. I can’t take two rejections in one night. I’m not strong enough for that. I know you would just say yes because I asked you not to say no and because I’m upset and crying and because you’re just that sweet of a guy. But this is getting way beyond a fake movie script. It’s not me, this isn’t right. It’s just far too movie –“ John interrupted her with a deep kiss on the lips. “—like… What was that for?”

“For one thing, to make you stop talking.” John chuckled softly, then continued, “You know I’ve always told you to tell me anything, and, well, that’s one thing I’m really glad you chose to tell me. No matter how movie-like or not it may be.”

Hannah surprised John with a new round of tears. Had he been wrong in kissing her? Of course he had been… It just felt so right. Why did he feel like his life was always a big mess. He felt like such a screw-up. “I’m sorry”

Through her tear filled eyes, Hannah looked up at John. “No, don’t be sorry.” She said. “I just don’t really understand. My whole life has gone from bad to worse. It always has. And now, when I feel my lowest, I have a gift from Heaven plunked into my lap. It was as easy as crying over some stupid girl problem. I don’t deserve this prize. It’s like a pity prize and –“

“Hey… no, no, no, shh. What are you talking about?” John had to cut her off there. “You are a wonderful person and you deserve every good thing the world has to offer.”

“No I don’t. I don’t deserve a guy like you.”

“Well maybe you’re right; you don’t deserve a screw-up like me. You deserve far better.”

*Scene closes with Hannah and John looking into each others eyes. Both pairs of eyes are filling with tears of joy. John never did find out what had happened to Hannah that night. All he remember of it was that last tear-filled but smiling look he and his love had shared.

 

Did I plan for some kind of a terrible accident to happen next? Or was this the end – a happy ending for a short, kind-of-about-nothing, I can’t even call this a story. It’s like a blip. Haha, anyway, I think I’m calm enough to go to sleep now. I just started laughing so much when I found a bunch of old things I wrote a long time ago. I hope you enjoyed this peek into the past mind of a ridiculously silly little girl. I do have more unearthed things but I’ll actually save those for another night.

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Five.

So I was randomly looking through old files I have on my computer and apparently I started a story a long time ago. Maybe someone will like, maybe someone will use part of it later for some reason or maybe no one will ever read it or care, but I thought I might share it anyway.  

I actually used to write a lot when I was younger, because it was something I really loved. That’s why I got into journalism. I love words and being able to use big ones the right way, but it’s true what they say (and please forgive the overused adage) but if you don’t use it, you really do lose it. I haven’t tried to write anything in a really long time. That sucks. I should probably get into that more.

 

Anyway, I haven’t posted anything in over a year now. Which makes this blog thing kind of pointless. But I want to start. I guess I just need the creative part of my brain to wake up again. I need ideas to write about. I need to have something to say. There’s a cute quote I found (also in my archives of old files I kept buried in folders on my computer) by Maya Angelou, “A  bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” I need a song. 

 

Words

“…Now class, you understand what’s being said here right?” Mr. Williamson addressed them. Without raising her hand, Fatima stood up and started her spiel.

                “I think this is all simply silliness. Everyone knows Israel is going to die and most of the people will too if they don’t smarten up. They’re not strong enough and their hatred has gone on too long. They’re killing Muslim babies for no reason.” The whole class was silent. Fatima continued, “This whole study is stupid, why are we even doing this. I liked what we were reading before though, about the Muslim women and the hijabs. THAT was interesting, and really important. I think –“

                “STOP IT!” Miriam was practically in tears. “It doesn’t matter to me who started what or who’s right; what matters is that innocent people on both sides of this war are dying. My grandparents were almost killed, twice! It’s so hard to live each day praying you won’t hear a horrible phone call saying someone you love has died. We live in constant fear that something horrible may happen. It doesn’t matter to me what color someone’s skin is, what matters is what color their heart is. Every culture, every people, every country; they all have those with black hearts and they ruin life for everyone. I just want all this fighting to stop; all the fighting from everywhere. Both sides have done bad things and they both say it’s in retaliation for something the other side had done. To me, this doesn’t matter. Someone started this long ago but now they both need to end it. They need to come together and agree on peace once and for all. An agreement on peace that actually means something and lasts, not an agreement broken over night when someone fires more missiles at the other. Don’t you understand how important this is? To me, to you, to everyone. Please stop hating.” Unable to control her tears, Miriam stops talking.

                “Yeah whatever… JEW! Of course you would say that. You try to sound sweet but I see through your words and into your own hate-filled heart. You hate all my people and you know it. You shouldn’t be talking here. And what happened to the quiet girl I barely knew existed all summer? Where did this lying pig come from?”

                “I can’t believe you would say that. I meant every word I said. I hold no hatred in my heart for anyone. I tried to reach out, to make peace but instead you spit in my face.” Turning to Mr. Williamson Miriam continues, “Could I be excused please?” Mr. Williamson nods and Miriam leaves the room. As she enters the bathroom she has no idea what’s being said about her back in the classroom.

                “I can’t believe what you just said to that girl!” Melissa began. Melissa Yu is a smart Chinese girl who’s always been good friends with Miriam. Melissa is usually a quiet girl in classes but she felt so strongly opposed to the attack on her friend she broke her vow of classroom silence. “Miriam is one of the smartest, sweetest people I have ever met and she’s definitely sincere. Obviously you’re just too big-headed and thick-skulled to see what a strong and kind girl you just broke!”

                “Honestly, Miriam never hurt anyone. She’s always helped me and Melissa in everything. She’s never said a hurtful word about someone and she would never lie about something like that.” A new voice broke into the argument, adding numbers to stand behind Miriam in her absence. Jennifer Smalley was one of Miriam’s first friends after she’d moved. Jennifer too, excelled in academics but she was more open then the other girls. She often spoke if she felt the topic wasn’t too far beneath her. Most of the class, including the teacher, Mr. Williamson, stayed quiet. Jennifer continued, “I’ve known Miriam Radinsky since we were in the second grade together. We’ve always been close and I’ve never thought differently about that girl. Fatima, I think you are the mean and insincere person. Everything that came out of your mouth, not five minutes ago, was a spiteful lie. You’ve proven to the class why there is still a war going on.”

                Almost finishing Jen’s thought, Melissa spoke again, “Fatima, there are people like you in this world who can’t see anything past themselves and they’re the ones causing all the problems. You have put another person down to try and feel strong. You’re not strong though, and everyone can see that. People like you are the reason there are wars. If you could just lighten up a little bit and get to know a person before tearing into them, maybe you’d see more beauty in the world. If you would let go of your prejudices, maybe you would see some light.”

                Finally Mr. Williamson decided to take control and calm the class down. “Girls, please. Drop this argument. No one is wrong, no one is stupid and everyone is entitled to their own opinion but please do it kindly without personal attacks. There is a girl crying in a bathroom now and that’s unacceptable.”

                “Mr. Williamson!” Fatima called out. “What’s truly unacceptable is that the silent wordsmith, genius of English can use her stupid little lies to twist what everyone thinks. She’s making her words seem pretty and sweet and now everyone is one her side. It’s so unfair that she’s allowed to say those things about my people!”

                “What did she say?” The speaker, unidentified, had a quiet and uncertain challenge in their voice.

                “What do you mean what did she say? You all heard her say my people have black hearts!”

                When no one answered Fatima she sat down. She seemed to be thinking things through. What HAD Miriam said? And why was no one helping her or defending her like Jennifer or Melissa were defending the Jewish bitch? Fatima was filled with hatred all of a sudden. This was far from over.

                “Sir,” Fatima’s hand shot up in the air excitedly. “SIR! I think we should

 

Yeah, that’s where I stopped. I have no idea where I was going with that. But there you have it: one of my many attempts at starting a story. I have more files too. I’ll post some of those I guess 🙂