So apparently it’s been over two years since I last posted something. How shameful. I’m sorry.
I suppose it sometimes takes losing something to realize how much you value it.
I love writing and I have missed it. I have been writing more recently, but I’ve been keeping my thoughts to myself in my journal. I’d like to get back to our coffee dates so I can share the things I’m learning and experiencing.
So what’s been going on the last two years…?
Not a whole lot.
After I graduated from Carleton (which was more than two years ago, I know), I found full-time work fairly quickly, I stayed with that company for a little over ten months. I had been applying to other jobs while I was working there but nothing stuck. Then I applied to the City and after I was laid off from my job due to the company losing a major contract, I started working full-time again about three months later.
After one year in my administrative assistant position, I applied for a caseworker position, and here I am now!
That was a super brief overview 😛
In terms of romantic relationships – still nothing to report there. Kind of sad… but I’m actually fine with it. I’m awesome even on my own, and most guys are just too dumb to see it and realize they want this to be a part of their lives as well 😉
I haven’t had much chance to travel recently, unfortunately. The downside of having a full-time job… is working full time and not having vacation. But now that I’ve completed a full year with the City, I do have vacation time so I have some fun trips planned for this year.
I’ll be going to California in May for a friend’s wedding! I’m very excited, because I absolutely LOVE weddings and this one should be something special and beautiful! I’m so happy for my friend and her family ❤
Then I’ll be going to Israel for two weeks in October with my friend. We’ll visit some of my family but it’ll be her first time there so I’ll show her some of the coolest spots for history, faith, photography, food, etc… Not that I’m an expert or anything, I’ve just been there four times before. Don’t get me wrong, I love it every time, but I’m not as excited by all the new sights anymore. It should be a lot of fun to be with someone experiencing the amazing Holy Land for the first time though, so I’m really looking forward to that.
Other future plans include the potential of a podcast! My friend and I will chat about various, specific topics. Hopefully we can actually do it and that’ll be something else for everyone to enjoy.
And personally, well, that’s where the most growth has happened in the last two years – I had to be doing something somewhere!
In a nutshell, I had a new struggle with mental health. I was forced to learn some hard life lessons, and face some uncomfortable truths.
To elaborate somewhat, basically, I’ve dealt with tough bouts of anxiety before but they were usually mild, short-lived, and well-managed. As the years went on, things got a little worse to the point of having debilitating panic attacks a couple times. Then, starting in October, there were incidents at work coupled with complicating factors in other areas of my life which built up to a mental breakdown last month.
Life can be so painful.
You need strong, supportive people in your corner.
At some points, I felt I didn’t have that.
Thankfully, I’m in a much better place now, though it took some work.
I had to accept that I needed help. I told my family, I went to my doctor, I was seeing a counselor…
I had to admit the things that were truly bothering me, such as lack of control, feelings of abandonment, loneliness, and isolation, feelings of failure, feelings of guilt, etc…
I had to find new ways to cope with everything that was swirling around in my mind preventing me from sleeping and causing the cycle to continue getting worse.
So now I journal more, I’m more honest with myself and others, I redirect my thoughts to be more positive.
And I’ve definitely grown closer with the Lord.
I’ve had to lean on Him so much more in the last few months than I have in a while. I’m reading my Bible more, I’m praying more, and I’m trying to listen more. I’m trying hard to hear when He’s correcting me.
That’s hard. Humbling yourself sucks.
But it’s also so good.
Anyway, I don’t want to talk about this too much more now – maybe we can grab a real coffee sometime and I’ll give you some more details about this part of my life.
For now, I will thank those of you who have been patient with me for sticking around and waiting for something new. Feel free to share, or don’t, but I hope to start writing again so I don’t think the next post will have to wait another two years.
I want to write books, so I have to get back into the habit of writing!
Well, goodbye for now readers.
God loves you.